How to write a condolence message: simple words and examples

By UltimoSaluto®

You do not need to find the perfect phrase. A condolence message can begin with three simple things: acknowledge the loss, express your sympathy and, if you wish, add a genuine memory or a specific offer of help. Use words you would say aloud, and leave the person free to reply when they feel ready.

Where to begin

A simple starting point is: “I was sorry to hear about [name]. I am thinking of you. I remember [a real shared moment] with affection.” The final sentence is optional. If you did not know the person who died, there is no need to invent a memory to make your message feel personal.

You might close with “With love” if you are close, or “With deepest sympathy” in a more formal situation. You do not have to explain grief or offer advice. Your message can simply express care.

Examples to adapt to your relationship

These suggestions are starting points. Change the names, tone and details, and only promise help you can realistically give.

For a friend

I am so sorry about your dad. I am thinking of you and sending you love. There is no need to reply now.

For a colleague

I was very sorry to hear of your loss. Please accept my sincere condolences. I am thinking of you at this difficult time.

For someone you know more formally

Please accept my sincere condolences on the death of your mother. My thoughts are with you and your family.

When you knew the person who died

I will always remember Anna and our conversations in the garden. Her kindness made a lasting difference to me. I am thinking of you all with affection.

When you are far away

I wish I could be there with you. You are in my thoughts, and I am sending my love. If you would like to talk, we can find a quiet moment whenever you feel ready.

When you can offer practical help

I am thinking of you. If it would help, I can bring some groceries on Thursday and leave them at the door. Let me know if that would be useful; there is no pressure.

A message, a card or a phone call?

Choose the way you normally communicate, while considering the family's preferences. A private message can be read in a quiet moment; a handwritten card can accompany flowers or a photograph. Before calling, you could ask: “Would you like to talk, or would you prefer a message?”

A public comment may be seen by many people. Before naming the person who died or posting photographs, make sure the family has shared the news and would welcome the gesture. If you are unsure, send a private message and avoid asking for details about the death.

Words that may be unhelpful

“You must be strong”, “At least they lived a long life” and “I know exactly how you feel” can sound as though you are minimising someone's feelings. More open words may be kinder: “I am sorry”, “I am here to listen if you want to talk” or “I am thinking of you”.

Use religious expressions when you know they are shared and welcome. Avoid comparing the loss with your own experiences, trying to explain it, or making vague promises you cannot keep. A very short message can still be sincere.

If time has passed, or there is no reply

You can write after the funeral: “I am still thinking of you. If you would like some company, we could go for a walk on Saturday.” If you heard the news late, acknowledge that simply without making your explanation the focus.

Do not take silence as rejection or press for a reply. If you get in touch again, be gentle and respect any request for space. A small practical gesture, agreed with the person, can also express continuing care.

Accompanying your words with a memory

If you have a photograph or a memory the family might appreciate, you can offer it: “I have a lovely photograph from that day together. Would you like me to send it?” Let the family decide whether to keep it, share it or include it in a memorial card.

For more ideas, see what to give a grieving family. If you need to communicate the news of a death, read how to inform family and friends. A family choosing a digital keepsake can also explore sharing a memorial card with people near and far.

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